Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Jim Murray. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. I had a hole in nothing. See you in the Email! Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? I'm pretty good with my short putts. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. 2. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. I . If you break 80, watch your business. 3. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Another Ball in the Trees. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Wodehouse Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Wash your balls. Have fun. PG Wodehouse. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? It took one afternoon on the golf course. The guys who come Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Lee Trevino. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Required fields are marked *. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Photo: Shutterstock. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? ~ Sijin Bt. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Try choking donw on the shaft. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Noah. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Wodehouse, 31. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Are you a water hazard? A fan in the crowd said Mr. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. 9. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. 19. 20. You okay with that? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. It was glorious when you did! Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Drop some in the comments! What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Because you got me soaking wet. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Why not! Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." I'll let you beat me. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. 3. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Bye Bye Birdie. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Their fore-fathers! Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. I've got some good news. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. 8. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Sam Snead. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. So, what are your thoughts? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Dont even putt. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Wanna be my caddy? If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. 22. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Which is the easiest golf stroke? the flag cant jump. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. And now it will be poisoned for you. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? My shaft is bent. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Drops him off at the golf course! How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Andy who? If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Whos there? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Are you into kinky stuff? Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Nay! "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic.