There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 43. 64. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. P.D. 86. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 117. Czech proverb 57. Education cost money. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 38. I am tough and resilient. I didnt want to interrupt her. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 259. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Its okay, he woke up. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 101. Its okay, he woke up. 1. 147. Because it was soda pressing. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 53. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. - Roy T. Bennett. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 32. All you need is love. - Bob Hope. I tried, but they wanted cash. 250. Description for this block. Good morning! 188. Because seven ate nine. 10. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 112. 53. 214. Steven Alexander Wright. 77. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Don't forget to be awesome. What do computers eat for a snack? 86. 175. 172. George Burns This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 44. 276. 197. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 203. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. We have a connection. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 179. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 93. 222. Frances McDormand 88. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I am quite fascinating. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Bill Murray. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 149. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 8. 1. 27. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 137. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 176. Rodney Dangerfield. We need to hear a pin drop. Your words become your actions. Rome wasnt built in a day. Stop playing with me., 6. 42. 51. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 160. Im not insulting you. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. 23. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. I nourish my body every day. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. And a funny bone. Short Funny Quotes. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Milton Berle, 245. 110. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Benjamin Franklin 57. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! I dont think thats a coincidence. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 242. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! I love my body. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. 81. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 21. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 2. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I am fine. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I believe in what's possible for me. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 1. He who laughs last didnt get it. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 41. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. The library, because it has so many stories. I did not trip and fall. Because they make up everything. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Groucho Marx. Swimming trunks. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 55. 218. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 96. 16. 142. 257. - Bette Midler. Just like every Monday does on Earth. But sometimes affirmations may not work. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 184. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 79. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 187. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration 60. 106. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 158. I see the funny side of life more and more. 12. But you can always be immature. Wilson Mizner 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think 124. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 269. - Irish Saying. If only common sense were more common. 30. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. I am intelligent. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Mind blown! 56. 230. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Learn sign language, its very handy. 71. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Hes dreaming too. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. 141. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. I am lazy till I get a motive. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! A gummy bear. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 132. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Cindy from Marzahn Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 171. 226. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Really? Albert King Leave me a if you agree! Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Happiness is a choice. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 168. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Exercise? People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 221. 162. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 2. Some people are like clouds. It just plain forms. Ive been doing nothing for years. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I am happy and joyful. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 3. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. Need to send some positive energy your way? Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) 13. 143. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Never take life seriously. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 87. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Shoot for the moon. 24. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife 23. 272. In the morning, I cant get up. 2. Life begins on Friday night. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo Microchips. Youre talking to yourself. When nothing is going right, go left. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. 142. 98. 91. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Chop your own wood. Best friends eat your food. 205. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Your values become your destiny. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 248. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 7. Love your enemies. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. My body deserves love. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 93. Positive mindset affirmations. My mistakes dont define me. 107. 127. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. I draw from my inner strength and light. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Enjoy! Why was six scared of seven? "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Dave Barry. Decomposing. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. What do I do for a living? 21. Yeah, so is a grenade. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 278. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 5. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I honor that time. It takes so little to change your life! I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Ted Turner. I can always think of something funny to say. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Its okay if people dont like me. 5. When they go away, its a brighter day. I thought you said extra fries. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. George Burns, 253. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Ken Dodd ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I accept my body the way it is today. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 19. 35. In between, I am alive. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset.