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The same woman then went on to say: The next time he wanted to see me, he was shocked when I told him it wasnt going to happen, and I didnt want to see him anymore. 10 months is very soon to move in if you have a child whats the rush? It's only available here. Perhaps in her younger years, instead of saving for retirement, she needed those funds for the child she raisedyour boyfriend. I told her I was just feeling low about my circumstances: the job loss, the loss of income. Grandma runs the household, while the BF pays the bills. For the first few days, you probably didnt care that much, until your feelings hit you like a truck. If your woman left you because you didnt propose, dont feel bad. I help over 1 million men a year build long-term, masculine happiness after being dumped. He looks at his grandmother as a martyr since his mother (the grandmothers daughter) was never home and his grandmother would watch him as a child. Dont let someone who isnt you tell you how to live your life. Also it sounds like she might always rule the roost so yeah. I know he loves her, but Im looking out for my daughters best interest and, honestly, I think it would be healthy for him to break away from her a little bit. Therefore any money she puts into the house or contributes, would be advantageous to Grandma. you feel lost without her, you want to stop feeling the pain of being rejected by her, you are embarrassed to admit to your family and friends that you got dumped and she no longer wants you). I couldnt agree with you more. That shed stay with you forever, despite feeling rejected? I can appreciate that investing years in a relationship without the commitment of marriage is especially painful for many women, I would like to offer a perspective from the other side (that LW1 might not have explainedor felt). She really wanted to be with you and saw you as being the one. But she knew that if stayed with you, she would never be able to spread out her own wings. He agreed with that. I know I need to move on and look out for myself and it wont help me holding on since shes decided about it. No going back. Click here to learn how I can help you. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? I get mad at the fact that his grandmother has lived a life relying on other people and puts this guilt on my boyfriend. All best and blessings to you and your daughter. Women of older generations had fewer choices. But its clear this was never going to work and would have made her miserable. If it really was something that he couldnt countenance, then he owed it to her to have a chat with her and discuss whether they should be together at all if they both wanted such different things. He might then make the mistake of classic desperately trying to show her how much she means to him and how willing he now is to commit. reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2020): Already have an account? You messed up, not by not caving in to marry her, but by not having a mature talk about what you wanted, and letting her go much earlier if you both wanted incompatible things, rather than letting her hope youd change your mind. But I say, to hell with what society thinks, and to hell with what her friends and family think. You might say no, but science says yes. She was hurt by what she perceived as rejection (which I see as faith in us despite problems) and she could never really show me genuine love again, so we lingered on from year 4-7 with fake attempts at quality time and further diminished love and connection. Give her a few days of space to allow her to miss you and miss how good it feels to be interacting with you again. What I find so interesting is that with the right attitude the grandmother thing could be amazing. He didn't buy the rings until a week before the wedding. Anyway, he comes with a baggage. ballsy humor). He plopped the ring down and said, 'Well, here.' "I circuitously said that I didn't think we should get married, because we were too young. Your 20s are the foundation for the rest of your life, especially financially. I am ready now. I cant image after 9 plus years how she stayed, as 2 years being so in love and him avoiding/ being defensive, all the arguments over the marriage talk when hes the one obsessed over me and expects me to play the wife role. Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram. Shes had enough of your stringing her along. Now ask yourself: what has changed since she dumped you? After forgiving you, she stops going over your mistakes and feeling angry and disappointed at you. For years, she dreamed of marrying you. You see her less. You dont buy property with someone you want to change. She has a MUCH different definition of commitment. Yet, rather than make a woman happy that she is finally getting what she wanted from him, she feels even more turned off and annoyed with him. She will feel like she might have even made a mistake in getting into a relationship with him in the first place, if thats who he really is as a person underneath or when challenged. WHY are you trying to force your way through a major block? That's normal. If you got bored of her, youre not a bad guy. Its only been ten months, so cut your losses and keep your environment stable for your daughter by yourself. Its multiple small reasons. Issue is most men get comfy with their perfect set up for them. Its possible shell even help with babysitting for date nights. Her friends and family might tell you youre a bad guy because you didnt realize what you had. Someone cant do math She deserves a love story that doesnt include years of rejection and always wondering why you werent able to commit sooner why it took your own broken heart to finally appreciate how broken hers must have been all that time you kept telling her no. Another adult to help around the house, perhaps contributing a bit financially and with the 10-year-old, and a nice warm family unit. When someone abandons your relationship over a marriage ultimatum, it becomes very hard to believe their offer of till-death-do-you-part. She wont want to focus on that because she wont want to ruin the good feelings she is now experiencing around you. Remember that marriage isnt for everybody. Yes, she has a problem moving her daughter in with a 69 year old woman but not a man shes only dated for 10 months? We give our all and stay because of our intense love for our men and the hope for the ultimate commitment that proves to the world this is my husband, this is my wife. link to My Ex Broke Up With Me But She Stalks My Instagram. When I was 28 I broke up with a guy that wouldn't proposeno one knows what a woman goes through to love a man enough to marry him but he wont commit to youit is gut wrenching and depressing because you may have invested emotio. You dont just get to have him. Things that arent her. For example: A guy might suddenly become very romantic to hopefully show his ex how much he cares for her. Uh, except when she stepped up to raise your boyfriend. She doesn't want a guy who isn't ready to grow up (even if he's 30 or 40 years old and hasn't committed to her yet. If you keep texting, e-mailing and calling your ex non-stop, she wont have any time to miss you. Its also a good idea to talk to her mother and her father. If youre able to, together, great. So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, dont make any rash, desperate decisions that might cause her to pull away from you even more. She wont get excited if you dont propose, and will end the relationship in a few months. The answer, my friend, is you. She then closes up even more because she feels turned off by his desperation and loses trust in him due to him being insincere by putting on an act of being Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. And just like the beginning, the ending is always the same, too: You cant change anyone. You were a selfish ass. Let her feel attracted to you again and want it and she will naturally come back to you. If you didnt do that, she might leave you and find another man. I am now retraining and working part-time.Yes, I know: you probably think I am a walking red flag.Anyway, the woman, who is actually successful and has her own apartment, still wanted to be with me. Sure, it is tough to end a 9 years relationship. The pain youre feeling now is not as great as the pain shes feeling. I applaud your courage for reaching out and being humble. He has already helped countless men from all over the world to get their ex woman back and he can help you too. I could go on but I think you get the idea. Savannah Guthrie left the "Today" show during Tuesday's live broadcast amid Hoda Kotb's absence from the NBC morning show. A good relationship makes you want to invest more, not to be in a rejection mode all the time. She wants you to be in this for real, without desperately trying to prove that to her. Its really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that were now separated. If you didnt propose, shell likely move on and find another guy. She then starts to look at you as you are now, rather than the guy she broke up with who wouldnt commit. It should be brief and to the point. But my guess is that she feels relief and confidence in her choice. One being asked why they should hire me as a manager if I was going to get pregnant and leave anyway. Hell, looking at the first letter, maybe breaking up with him will be the only way to get him to realize something (/sarcasm)! If you want her back, youre just going to shoot yourself in the foot. Outstanding advice to LW1 from Wendy and also signing off to the comment by mellanthe above. You should have cared about her feelings sooner because you care about her, and not change your mind now because all of a sudden you arent having everything exactly the way you want it without regard for your partners feelings. I was planning on proposing to you the next time I saw you. You need to think about this, because it could mar every single relatonship you have if youre not careful. With most women, when you arent consistent, they dont feel youre committed. And she knew if she stayed, she would eventually resent you. mellanthe It all went downhill for us both. Okay, lets be honest with each other here. They get all the perks and us playing the wife role, are simply stuck for years with the bf/gf title and it sucks. He was mad that I didnt give him any warning that anything was wrong. I think her math is fine. You can pursue your goals and dreams without having her throw drama at you. And clearly, by not really thinking about what you wanted at all until it was too late. But if youre not the right fit for each other, she might move on to another man. You can't let self-pity, or bitterness, fill your head with nonsense. Do you remember how we talked about marriage and starting a family? She's gone because you've never really given her the feeling that you . You are far from that place. So LW2 you need to decide what specific things would need to change if you were to live with your BF and Grandma and then determine if that works for you. She thought if I was really in love, none of that would matter.So finally, she left two days ago.I do not blame her, of course. She was with a guy for 7 years and talked really big about their future but he wouldn't drop to one knee. Just stay away. And just before our breakup, when I brought up all the times I had told him I needed more communication and contact from him, he said, well, I didnt know how serious you were. Are you prepared for that? "It made me finally confront it," Amber explains. Apologizing to your girlfriend for your mistake is a good thing, but its not everything. You, There are many options for setting an alarm on your smartphone. If your girlfriend has left you because you didnt propose to her, dont get discouraged. Do you really want your balls tied to only ONE woman? You could have waited until she was ready to commit to you. But if youre still not sure, then you might be in the wrong place. It revolves around feeling heard, cared for, and appreciated. As long as you make sure that, from this moment onwards, you show her that youve learned from the experience and have become a better man as a result (e.g. You were outcome-independent. Depending on the size of the home, and the number of bedrooms, there may not be a bedroom for the daughter unless Grandma moves out. Dont make her feel any pressure, because the right woman wont be put off by your desire to get married. You will feel some regret a lot at first, and then the sharp edges of that regret will soften and youll be able to settle into it a little more comfortably until, finally, its not something that keeps you awake anymore or gives you knots in your stomach or catches you in an otherwise peaceful moment and fills you with a sudden burst of self-loathing. I appreciate your help in any way. Until one day shes had enough, and BOOM. Since youre reading this article, you might even believe that yourself. If not, wendy is right and you need to find a man whose life matches what you want. PS: Need help processing the breakup so you can get back to feeling like yourself again? It will zap your energy and strength! Say something like this to her, I understand that right now, forgiving me is probably the last thing you want to do. April 30, 2020, 10:19 pm. I know that you are mature enough as a person to understand that people sometimes make mistakes. LW#1 you repeatedly decided over the course of 9 years that you were unwilling to marry her. I can certainly help enlighten you though it will be up to you to accept the reality (and Id advise accepting it faster than more slowly, since coming to terms with things too slowly hasnt worked well for you thus far). Your ego took a hit because she wasnt as rock-solid as you thought, and now youre backward rationalizing how great she is because you miss her presence in your life. All I can do now, is pray for her so she can fully heal from all the hurt I caused her. If you still want her back, fair enough. Id sometimes go days or weeks without speaking to him because he only had time for me if he didnt have anything else to do. Sometimes a man isnt just scared to pull the trigger or commitment phobic. However, after dating for 2 years and after asking me repeatedly when I will propose or am I stringing her along. I definitely stuffed up and I never realized what an amazing girl I had until I lost you. Its just too much. Grandma probably really needs financial help. WHY? Let her be. LW2: I agree that you shouldnt move in with your boyfriend right now, but I have one thing to say about the grandmother: You say that youre mad that she has lived her life relying on other people.